Hands

Well my dears it has been a busy late summer for me let me tell ya!  The Chosen One left his puppy here with me.  How's that working for me you say?  NOT TOO GOOD!  I have decided I don't want anymore animals here!  Every 3 hours he was walked, fed, watered, petted, loved, yucked.  Yes yucked.  Remember now I'm the CAT LADY not the DOG LADY OK? 

So since I know you are not interested in yuck I thought I would write you a little story.  So here's my story, let me know what you think! 

                                                              HANDS


I watch her hands as she kneeds the dough and gives it a punch. "One last time" she says, "that's the secret." she says. With a giggle she adds, "That and my big toe!" She scatters the flour across the counter and begins to roll out her dough. "Now don't you go telling everybody about my big toe, Donna!" Grandma just grins that funny little grin only she can do. "They might think I didn't wash it this morning!" again she giggles.  I love watching her hands as she works. You would think after all these years she would slow down but nothing seems to slow her pace not even her approaching 93rd birthday.

"Grandma? What are you doing for your birthday this year?" I ask.
"Why Donna, you know I haven't the foggest notion! They don't tell me nothing til it happens! I just show up and there you have it! Suits me just fine." She scurries around the kitchen looking for her pans.
"Gotta get these rolls over there in the sun so they can Rise, Rise, Rise! Won't they just be so good?" she asks.
"Yes Grandma, they always are!" I reply. She carefully places them one by one on the black metal pan and covers them with a dishcloth. "Ok, that's done." she declares. "Now let me wash my hands and grab my key and we can go see Aunt Pat! You want to take me to see Aunt Pat?"

I watch her fingers button her sweater and with a twinkle in her eye she tells me where every key she has to her house is hidden. Why so many I ask.

"Because I can't seem to keep up with my key. Now I've lost them all but this one and the one in the old oak tree.  I need to get your Uncle Glenn to make me some more keys.  You know time was you could leave your house unlocked and stay gone. Come back and everything was as it was when you left. Now days you better lock down everything or they just might dig it up!" she replied looking sad as she told me.   I help her into the tomato car and off we go!


We take the back roads which in my opinion are always best. I like the winding-twisting-never-know-whats-around-the-bend roads. Thats where I hear and feel things the most. I think that people today have lost touch with themselves and their surroundings by taking the fast way. Sometimes it is necessary to take that fast road but whenever I can I choose the later thank you.

We talk about her childhood and what it was like growing up in Harmony. She tells me what kind of crops her daddy grew, the many quilts her mama and grandma made but most of all I hear the pride in her voice as she tells me about her family. How working with their hands meant so much to her, to them and that it was a way of life for everyone. I listen to her tell me about her siblings when they were growing up on a farm. I learn that my Uncle Arzie was quite the rascal and my Uncle Carl could turn a girl's eye. I grew up as one of the beautiful Phillips' girls. On this day I learned that my grandmother was known far and wide in the Brushy Mountains as one of the Hodgson Beauties. No small wonder why my grandfather traveled into those hills to find her!

Our first stop is always Uncle Carl's house but this time we can't get anyone awake.  We decide to head on over to Aunt Pat's instead. But before we leave we spot some wild turkeys my great-aunt has been feeding. Of course the dogs are barking and Grandma is banging on the door to no avail, still they won't come to the door so finally we load up the tomato car and head over to Aunt Pat's. Only took one knock and Aunt Pat swung open the door. As always she acts surprise to see us and pulls us inside where it is warm. It always amazes me how small her house is getting. I mean everytime I go up there the house is smaller than the last time I was there. Funny how that happens. But yet everything looks the same. I leave them to talk about what only sisters need to talk about. I wander around the property snapping pictures of old buildings and whatnot. Thinking about my ancestors and how different this land must have looked to them.  I wander over to the family cemetary and pay my respects to my great great great grandparents.  It's so quiet, so peaceful.  I could just sit for hours and perhaps never leave.  After a bit I wander back inside to find Grandma.

"Are you ready to go?" she asks. "Your Aunt Pat is tired." Hugs and Kisses are passed around and off we go down the hill, past Uncle Carl's house. I ask, "Do you want to stop and see if they are home?" "No, they are probably off with her son somewhere." she says.

"Where do you want to go now Grandma?" I ask.

"Let's go home and eat a yeast roll. You wanna go eat a yeast roll?" she looks at me, waiting for my answer.

"Of course I do! After all they are the best Grandma." I reply.


We drive in silence for awhile, watching the road as we go. After a bit she asks me if I have ever tried to make her yeast rolls. I laugh and say that I have but they were only fit for roofing tiles and hockey pucks. She thinks that's funny and tells me I'm silly that I must be doing something wrong. I agree and tell her where I went wrong was trying to copy her! That I gave up a long time ago.  I just buy them all ready to bake now.  I tell her I don't have the hands for it like she does.

"Well Practice, Practice, Practice! Your Aunt Kathi makes them pretty close to mine." she smiles. She knows everyone in the family has tried to make her yeast rolls to no avail!

I notice her hands are digging in her pockets searching for something. I asked her if she lost something and she looks up at me with those blue eyes twinkling.

"How do you feel about climbing that old oak tree?" she asks.

Ace of Puppy Toes

Well the Chosen One appeared on our doorstep the other day and as promised he was dragging his puppy behind him.   So as I write you my dears I am watching this crazy crackhead dog plotting his next move.  I swear I think he writes everything he learns down so he won't forget it!  He has found our cats hiding places and hunts them down every chance he gets.  He just wants to play with them but you can't tell their geriatric butts anything!  They come dashing out from under the bed or out of a closet, all hair standing, screaming as they run to the next hiding place with Ace their tails.   Have you ever seen a Persian can with hair standing on end?  Quite a picture!  It seems the cats have come to a truce and are getting along right now since they are hiding out together.  I imagine Mo telling Deuce "You stay in your corner and I'll stay in mine."  And Deuce replying "Who you telling what to do?"  I suppose the fight will be on again real soon as they sit in the closet growling at each other for a good 10 minutes til they settle down.   The Hubs says it's the lesser of two evils.  I suppose so. I could put up with a growling cat a lot better than a dog wanting to rip my head off.  Poor kitties! Now my house smells like fear, cat fur and sweaty dog.

Any who, the Chosen One has left his puppy with us for two weeks.  Now normally I would just stake the dog outside and leave it there.  Watering and feeding it when necessary.  However, he has asked that we keep his puppy inside and not let it run loose.  Have you ever tried to keep a crackhead pit bull puppy inside? How about take it for a walk?  Good! Glad to see we are on the same page!  Now you understand when I tell you my shoulders are KILLING ME!

So to fix that the Hubs bought a run to set up outside for the pup.   He seems to like it til you attempt to go inside or walk to the front yard.  Then he commences to scream his eyes out and lunges like someone is holding food out to a starving wild demon.  He snorts and coughs and cries and carries on like no other dog I've ever seen!  We hope he gets used to it soon.   'Cause that dog really needs to be outside and not inside.
And after the way they both smelled the last time he came home they can BOTH sleep outside! 

We take him outside every 3 hours like clock work so he can do his business and chase butterflies. He likes chasing butterflies and eating ants.   The ant thing just started today.   He sniffs the ground and snorts til one pops out of the ground then he eats it and gos on til he finds another one. 

Well my dears got to run and take the Ace of puppy tails out for his walk.  You know I'm not sure who's getting trained here, me or him!  Well that's the way I see it.  Y'all have a blessed day!

News from The Hollibaugh Horror House

Well my dears it has been a week here at the Hollibaugh Horror House!  Let me tell you a thing or two....first off the Chosen One showed up at the house with a DOG and a pretty little girl.  She says he polite and she likes that sort of thing.  Well he better be!  His mama is a self respecting southern bred woman who wouldn't be caught dead going to town without every hair in place and her face on too!  Much less even think of breeding a boy who was rude.  Why those are cussing words in this neck of the woods!  I remember a time when a boy being rude to a girl would earn him a black eye to say the least.  So to hear those words almost sent to me saute again!  But I stopped myself, didn't need to do all that when we had company, I could wait til later to bask in the memory, swirl it around like wine before you taste it!

And would you know in come bounding that DOG of the Chosen One's!  So that pretty much ended my conversation with the pretty little girl.  So she will be leaving tomorrow, headed back to Mass.  Sure hope she comes back to see me.  I say me because they are young and I try not to expect much these days.  So maybe just maybe we will get to finish our conversation someday.

My free spirited child has alighted upon the branch outside out window and declared to all within hearing that her love has return from deployment today.  We are all excited for her, actually we are thrilled beyond reason.  So glad to finally see her smile for a change instead of snapping at us whenever we ask her a question.  I'm sure her love will keep her busy for the next few days settling back into the routine of everyday things.  Won't be long and she will be back and fluttering around spreading Joy everywhere she goes. 

Not sure if I ever told you how I conceived my kids but here goes!  If someone had a birthday party that I happened to attend be it my child or someone elses child and I held a newborn?  I was sure to turn up pregnant by the end of the month.  Now with that concept in mind I set the stage for my attack on the Angel Child and her hubs!  Yep you guessed it!  I staged a baby making party!  I made sure the Angel Child held a baby at my great niece's 4th birthday party last Saturday!  Yep sure did!  And with a little luck I might get to be a grandma soon!  Who knows!  I figure if it don't work I'll have to get her hubs involved and you know whenever we get the hubs involved it never works out like we planned!  Oh well we will just have to wait and see won't we?

Speaking of hubs.....Hubs #3 is recuperating from his ordeal this past weekend.  I am sure by now you have heard about him running about the yard beating himself about the head and shoulders?  You haven't?  Well believe me it wasn't pretty....It was freaking hilarious!  Yellow jackets were out in full force and man were they mad as hell too!  Apparently the Hubs parked his lawn mover over the nest and well...you get the picture.  So once the Hubs became aware of the intent of the yellow jackets he made a bee line (pun intended lol) for the pool, my beautiful crystal clear pool......

Yep you guessed it!  Turned that B#&!% pea green in a matter of hours!  It seems our wonderful hot humid southern dog days of summer has zapped my pool of chlorine.  Add one city Hubs covered in fresh cut grass (including his green grass shoes) stir with the pool vacuum and you have algae!    You also have me flopping around the pool tossing anything and everything chemical wise I have at it!  Nothing I have here seems to work so finally I admit defeat and take my little water sample down to Wanda our local pool specialist.

With whimpering and sniffling noises threatening to break out at any second I hand her my sample.  She runs the test, the whole time telling me how important it is to do this and do that and soon she is speaking Klingon to me or maybe Greek?  So I end up buying 60 bucks of stuff and stumble on back to the house. 

It's a 4 step process to get rid of crud.  You first have to had 2lbs of this stuff and then zap it and then in a big bucket predissolve this other stuff and then squirt 14 ozs of this other stuff and then wait 4 hours and add another 2 lbs of this stuff.  Oh yeah and stir in between each ingredient.  Did I mention I'm tired now?  Funny how that works out isn't it?

Well lo and behold, the dang thing turned crystal clear blue again and there was rejoicing in the land, the birds came out and sang!  All the little animals came out to greet me!  I swear I heard them say "Woman, you've been in the dang sun too long!  Of course it was going to turn back to clear, that is why you spent 60 bucks right?"

And with that being said I really must let you know that's the way I see it!  God Bless and take care til we meet again.

That Loud Ripping Noise

Well, the DOG has arrived and let me tell you he came in here like a Cat.5 Hurricane!  All legs and looking for food, he will definitely be a force to reckon with when he grows up!  Loves the Chosen One that is for sure and follows him around everywhere he goes.  And as far as this mother is concerned that is a good thing. 

The Chosen One needs a dog like I need a hole in my head.  Ok I know I already have a few of those but this dog might be a good thing for him who knows!  I do know one thing is for sure, the first time I have to feed him, bathe him or buy his meds, take him to the vet or replace anything he has destroyed he is out of here!  What did the Chosen One have to say to that?  Well let's just say he didn't like the idea but once we informed him he could go with the DOG he seemed to understand a little better! 

As for the rest of our four legged demons that call this place home, well to say they freaked out upon learning of their new room mate would be the understatement of the year.  To say they are still under the box spring of my bed would be a better statement.  Honestly I had no idea our black Persian cat could make her hair stand on end like that and if I did I would have done this a loooonnnnnggg time ago! lol 

Ringo our 4 month old gray/white domestic was the first to meet the DOG.  He stood his ground for a few seconds til he realized that he was little and Ace the dog was BIG.  Ringo would hiss and growl and his hair stood on end.  Ace would bark and jump ......That's when Ringo took flight and ran under my bed.  That's when that ripping noise began.  Next came our calico neurotic cat, you know the one who lives either above the fridge or under the bed?  Well she took one look and no one has seen her since....been all day now....we'll probably find her body under the free spirited daughters belongings dried up someday.... But when Mo saw the DOG well folks that was priceless!  Yep priceless I tell you!  She took her own sweet time coming out to see what was all the ruckus about but finally she drug her geriatric self out of the our closet and into the living room only to perform her astounding act of making 6 inches of hair stand on end! You it's funny how you never have a camera handy when you need it....

Needless to say that's when that ripping noise really started under my bed.  That ripping noise turned out to be the underlay of our box spring.  Oh well now the cats have a place they can go and hide.  And Ace has a place he can stick his head under and bark.  Boy, Hubs is gonna love this on graveyard....

Well folks not sure about the rest of them but I can say that's they way I see it.  So until we meet again, God bless you all!