Don't Show Your Breeding In Public

Here along the coast during hurricane season most everybody who has ever lived here long enough knows what has to be done in order to protect your property and to prepare for these storms that occasionally roll in from the ocean.  Well.... that's what the menfolk say!  But we womenfolk know there's a whole lot more to preparing for a hurricane than tying down everything and gassing up your car!   Oh yeah.... a whole lot more! 

We got to go SHOPPING!  Got to buy new clothes...I'm sorry you can't set up in someones house with dingy old clothes on!  That will not do!  Besides you never know who might get a chance to be on TV.  So off to Belk's you go!  Oh and don't forget to stop off at Harris Teeters or Food Lion and get your token Vienna sausages and loafs of bread.  Make sure you clean out those sections FIRST.  Of course we NEVER eat the Vienna sausages, They're just for show and tell.  We just take them home and set them beside the other ones we have collected thru the years.  " Yes and now these are the ones I bought when Hurricane Fran came in 1996.. Oh yes darlin'.... And these are the ones mama bought when she and daddy rode out Hazel back in the 50's.."  Oh, make sure you get your hair and nails done!  Yes! You got to look good if  Jim Cantore shows up on your beach folks...Jeez get with the plan here!  How else are you gonna get on TV?  You're too old for Idol!  And the Voice won't return your calls!  You are taking notes? Right?  Good!

Next head back to the house you got some cleaning and cooking to do!  Get that lazy no good kid of yours off the X-Box and out there cuttin' the lawn! Tell that daughter of yours to come batter the chicken!  Time to fry up those wings!  Sugar, we gonna have us a Hurricane Party!  Woo Hoo!

When the storm makes landfall, make sure everyone is strapped to the nearest tallest tree.  Now, would be the time to use those bungee cords you've been saving!  Make sure you strap your mother in law to the lowest branch....unless she a nice lady....then move her further up the tree...  Put your mama as high as you can get her!  Take care of your mama now!  I got to sleep at night y'all.   Don't need your mama coming after me while I sleep!

After the storm is over and it's time to crawl out of the rubble, don't forget to pat your hair in place and straighten out that face!  Smooth out those Belk's clothes you just bought girl!  You got your one shot with destiny!  And Jim Cantore just hit town! Now do us proud child and don't show your breeding in public!  Put a smile on your sweet little face and bellow out that song you'll be practising all night!  Let me know how that all works out for ya!  I've got chicken to fry and a hair appointment at Salon O2  y'all!

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go deal with this little earthquake I seem to be experiencing.  Apparently the rude little thing is rolling through my house as we speak causing a strange feeling indeed on this sand I set upon.  So I bid you good day dear reader and that's the way I see it Betty.