Twisting like an Alligator

So I just opened up my light bill and to my total amazement what do I see?  Why a $507.77 bill!  No that's not for 2 months baby, that's for 1 month!  Yep, sure is!    Now how in God's Green Earth do they get off on charging me that much money when I keep my  thermostat on 66 in the winter and 84 in the summer?  Give me a break please!!!  I told the hubs we are getting a wood stove and a window unit.  I have had enough!

You know, what if I was living on a fixed income?  What if I didn't make enough money to pay bills like this one?  There are tons of folks out there struggling just to put food on their table.....  Well if this keeps up I might be struggling to keep the power on!

So I got my test results back today and thankfully all is well with my heart!  You know how doctors are, once you reach a certain age they start looking for things to go wrong with you!  I'll just keep dodging bullets a little longer thank you!  So back to gym tomorrow I go to kill this fat woman that ate me.   Maybe if I kill her I can finally bury her out back...

Did I tell you guys about Houdini our dog, formally known as Ace the Wonder Dog/Pup?  Well step right up and let me tell you a tale about a dog who can get out of every collar, confinement and chain put on him!  Currently he is locked down with a double lock however he manages to get off of it at least twice a day.  No kidding folks!  I spend way too much time chasing this damn dog around the neighborhood, especially since he is not mine!!!  You see he rolls on the ground like an alligator until the lock twists off, both of them.  He was getting out of the one lock so good I thought I would add another just for kicks and giggles....it never slowed him down.  I think tomorrow I will buy the little shit some padlocks and swallow the key...let's see if he can get out of that! Yeah! 

Now my dears, I'm not sure how it is at your house but here at mine I've been having a bit of fun with my kids and the Hubs. The Hubs is a die hard Steelers fan as is the Chosen One and the Mystery Child.  Me, I could care less who wins since my guys (The Saints) bowed out a while back however my brother in law is a die hard Packers fan!  Soooo I decided I would pull for the Packers!  I never predict anything but this year I have decided it will be Packers winning over Steelers by 3.   Boy did that start a lot of "directions on where I need to go and how I could accomplish this feat" by members of me own family too!  And I thought they loved me.......I guess all is not fair in love and football...

Well folks that's about all that's going on around here, hope all is well with you and yours.  Until we meet again, that's the way I see it!

What was your name?

I had several errands to run the other day, so I loaded up the 'mater car and off I went in search of my bare necessities!  Thought since I was in the neighborhood I would drop by my cell phone provider and see what kind of deals they had this month.  I'm always on the outlook for a good deal when it comes to my phone.  After much haggling and hair pulling (on their part!) it looks like I might be interested in an I-phone come February.  We shall see....after all I did escape their clutches didn't I?  lol  At any rate, while I stood in line to pay my bill I over heard someone declaring to anyone in earshot they were going to the major competition!  What????  How dare they!!  So being the person I am and also knowing what I know about all cell phone carriers (I've used them all!) I proceeded to tell this person why my current carrier is the best and will always be the best until a better one comes around.  Let's just say I should go to work for them......after all I wouldn't let my dog pee on some of those carriers!  Did you know that those roll over minutes you get every month will continue to accumulate til they reach a year old?  Do you know what happens when they reach a year old?  They disappear!  So again what's the point in saving them if they are going to disappear after a year?  I once worked for a man who never listened to a thing I told him.  I begged him to get a decent cell provider for his workers so I wouldn't have to send some of them out with my personal cell phone.  No he couldn't do that he had to go with the cheapest he could find.  And when he didn't get good service he would scream at me!  So I would scream at the cell provider company!  And now you know why I have high blood pressure! lol

I was talking to my friend the other day about a wonderful book I just read.  It's by the Cleveland Clinic on Menopause.   Now most of you ladies and men alike can't see what could be wonderful about menopause but this book explained a lot to me.  Like why I keep calling my daughters by each others names and why I call my son by the Hubs name.  It's all about the hormones or so the book says.....  My poor sister just stares at me with tears in her eyes and whispers "I just wish for once you would call me by my name."  And I for one can't remember what her name is.

I find myself at a loss of words in the middle of a sentence too.  Sometimes I will be looking right at the clothes basket and can't tell you what it is called.  Strangest thing I have ever gone through!  They say it is caused by a dip in the estrogen level in the brain.  Whatever!  So my alternative is to take Hormone Replacement Therapy.  No can do!  Causes breast cancer in our family.  Don't want it.  Everyone has had it but me and the Mondee so I don't know about her but I for one will avoid it at all cost!

Lately I have been trying to kill the fat lady that ate me.  Hasn't been working out like I planned.  Seems whenever I get my heart rate up to about 140 I start coughing and feeling a tightness in my chest.  I thought it was caused by a recent flu.  I'll know more about what is causing it later this week.  But that book I just read told me this too can be caused by low estrogen levels.  Amazing stuff this estrogen!  And I thought it just kept me from growing a full beard!

Well I got rid of the Chosen One and his buddy yesterday.  No I didn't use the backhoe.  I just threw him out on I-95 with his luggage and patted him on his head, wished him well.  He'll be back in about 3 months or so.  He's in Ocala, Florida chasing horses and designing sets for pretty little girls to jump with their pretty little ponies.  What a life!

Got stuck with Ace the Wonder Dog so imagine my dismay when I pulled up in the yard last night to discover this lump on my front porch.  When it stood up I figured out it wasn't human, it was DOG.  Oh Boy!  Joy and Rapture!  Now I get to catch Ace the Wonder Dog!  You try catching a Stafford shire Terrier  in full blown gallop! He was racing around the house so fast his feet weren't even touching the ground!  I swear!  Of course he was acting like a mad man all because he saw me getting out of the car.  And when I called his name, he just stopped and stared at me.  I had to think, his name is Ace....right?  Of course....Ace.....  So I went in the house, slamming the door in his face.  He just knocks on the front door.  I hook him up and off to the run we go.  So easy....Beats the heck out of chasing him around the yard like a mad woman screaming his name, whatever it is.....

Oh well, I hope I have given you some fuel to fight next time someone says you never remember anything!  Now if I could just remember where I put my car keys I just might make it to the gym today!

It Has Been A While....

Well my dears, it has been a while since we last spoke.  So I thought I would let you know the Chosen One will be well on his way to Florida this time tomorrow.  His bags are pack and I have accumulated an array of foodstuff for his trip.  Let's just say I know how he like Romain Noodles!  Of course yours truly will be stuck with Ace the Wonder Dog for the next 3 months or so....  Well at least the critter will be outside and not under my feet or barking at the cat perched atop my clothes hanging in the closet.   He's such a sweet dog.  So next week I will be pricing fencing wire and a hot box.  Gonna wire this place up good!  Gonna crank that those amps up as high as I can get it and see who bounces off the wire first....cat, dog or fox!  lol   Oh!  Sorry, sometimes I get carried away.....I did tell you I like electric fences didn't I?

Anywho, it appears, everyone survived yet another Christmas.  The Angel Child and her Wonderful Husband pulled it together and had us all over for Christmas!  We loved it!  It was so nice to go over and enjoy a good family meal.  Came home and waited on the snow.... 

Oh yeah!  We got snow and by snow I mean we got SNOW!  EIGHT INCHES!  Did too!  Got out the tape and measured it myself!  Got my daddy to measure it too so there!  I do believe the local TV Station said we had the "sweet" spot!  It is so pretty coming down.  I know I better enjoy it now, I won't see it again!  lol  Not in the South anyway!  lol

I hope you had a great Christmas too and hope you didn't get too much snow up your way.  So now that we finally got the Hub's truck back on the road I might be taking a short jaunt across the state before I start school.  I so need to do lunch with my grandma!  And I want to see my Aunts too!  I hear those hills calling.....